note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
