you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
