Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
