If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
