sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
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