thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
