Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
