I can tuck mytits in my pants
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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