who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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