1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
