Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
