I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
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she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
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Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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