Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
