drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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