I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
