she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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