i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
