and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
