I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
