i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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