i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
