Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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