I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
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Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
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Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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