I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
