if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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