Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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