why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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