Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
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I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
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Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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