being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
