i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
