meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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