There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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