i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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