i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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