it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
