i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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