Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
