he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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