It's like a parade of train wrecks.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
