Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
