try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
