i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
