I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
