It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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