It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
