every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
