spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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