I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
