hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
