Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
