I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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