dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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