Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
no you cant smoke seaweed
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
