why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
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So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
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I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.