Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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