how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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