Will you blow on my dice?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
