Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
