So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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