I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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