you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
