Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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