I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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