He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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