I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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