Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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