Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Be still, my beating vagina.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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