either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
