Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize