So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
