I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
