I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
