I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
