If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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