can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
