I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
