I think I died a long time ago.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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