At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
