If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
