I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
